How do you describe a sunrise as you drive down an empty backroad during an early morning in May? Burned barns, tractors, and fields that go on for miles. I used to drive for hours just to get somewhere, anywhere that felt like home. Waking up before the sun, before most people. It was a test, a game to see how early I could beat the traffic. Dodging trucks as the sun blinded me in my white 2006 Lexus.
In college, my suitemates were concerned when I’d eat breakfast alone, but my favorite thing was to go for early morning walks and watch the sunrise over waffles in the dining hall. My ideal guy would be someone I could do both with and not feel suffocated around. There aren’t many people I’d spend an early morning with. It’s nothing personal, but that time of day has always been my “me” time, my time to chill. The energy I choose to be around first thing in the morning is 100% intentional.
I’ve been staying up too late to have any desire to wake up at 5 am anymore. I love the dawn, just before the sun peaks the horizon. Summer to me has always been cold mornings, long walks to anywhere, bare feet and laughter.
I feel like my world is beginning to shift. There’re a few life decisions that I’m making this week that will impact me in the months to come and I already feel the unease. It’s uncomfortable being uncomfortable but things need to change again.
Reflecting on this past year and the years prior I realized that I’ve gotten everything I had prayed for as a child. What led me to the things I received were a series of uncomfortable decisions. Decisions that caused anxiety but ultimately changed my life for the better. The way everything aligned just perfectly to get me to this point is significant.
I’m unsure what the next few months have in store for me. Last year at this time I was just desperate to find a full-time job and unsure if I would be staying in Los Angeles at all. My intentions are different than they were. I’m going to be here for a while and it’s time to decide what I want my life to look like moving forward.
It’s April 1st, the end of March’s bipolar weather patterns. For many people, change takes place in January, but April’s been my beginning for some time now. The beginning of warmer months, new inspirations, and major shifts.
Excited to see how the next month unfolds for me.