I’m suffering from writer’s block. I thought that maybe after Insight I would have a ton to write about but the truth is I feel content not writing. I’m almost completely at ease with my life, taking it one day at a time. I still get in my head, and I’m grateful for my friends who call me out on my shit. I’m being fueled by my own goals and the energy of those around me. I think my biggest takeaway from the seminar is my desire to become more powerful. Because I’m aware of my power, but stepping into it is something I don’t fully know how to do yet.
October 10-14, 2013 I attended a retreat at a ranch in San Luis Obispo, California for Equus Coaching. We learned about inner peace, non-verbal cues, and the power that we all have inside of us.
One lesson at the ranch involved standing in a riding hall with a horse. We were to use non-verbal cues to tell the horse what we wanted him to do. It was the most surreal experience when the horse actually listened. He came close when I wanted them to come closer, he followed me when I gained his trust, and he ran when I wanted him to run. It was an emotional experience. Because somewhere along the line I had given most of my power away to those around me. I was becoming a bystander in my own life.
In the small moments when I trusted myself completely, I was influencing. One of my teammates constantly reminded me of this because of the ease in which I was able to tell the horse what I wanted. It wasn’t difficult for me once I grounded myself and became present.
I learned about my power that weekend. I learned about my need to pave my own way and that the rest would follow. I’ve been trying to uncover my power and truth ever since.
While in California I felt empowered, but once I went back to Rochester I fell into old habits. I didn’t trust my intuition, I definitely didn’t love myself, and I was in a negative headspace. I’ve always wanted to influence people, but I was going about it all wrong.
I slowly began forgetting what I had learned.
It’s taken me five years since that weekend to find that power inside of myself again. I’m now able to grasp what it means to be truly present and comfortable in my own skin. It’s such a bizarre feeling, loving yourself. It’s freeing.
It wasn’t until two weekends ago at Insight that I reflected on that time in San Luis Obispo again. At the seminar, I began reminding myself that I am powerful. And for the first time, I’m starting to feel like I’m coming into my power. I’ve always wanted to be a leader, and now I’m becoming one. Just like I’ve always wanted to be happy, to have a community, and to be healthy.
I’ve learned that you have to be what you want to become.
I’m working on being consciously aware of how I’m showing up for myself and others. I’m figuring out my “why” and what my internal motivations are. Reflecting on my own negative reactions and asking myself questions when I begin to get in my head too much.
It’s the season for change, and I’m so excited to see what the next few months bring!