I’m taking an Insight seminar starting on Thursday so I’m writing a post beforehand. I’m jokingly expecting to come out of this weekend a completely different person. But the truth is, I have no idea what to expect. I’m curious about how my mindset will change after the seminar.
I spent Monday morning with my friend Irene going through her morning ritual. We listened to “Super Soul Conversations” by Oprah Winfrey and drank shakes and tea. It had me reflecting a little bit about the days prior and my current state of disarray. I’m not completely grounded right now. I’m not 100% clear about my living situation come September, and while I try not to be, I am slightly nervous about what my next career move should be. Because my long-term goal is to stay in Los Angeles, and I’m working on making that happen. But the point of the podcast was to listen to your soul. If things aren’t working for you, change direction.
But this roadblock in my life isn’t a derailment. I’m supposed to be learning something from all of this. I was talking to Irene again after Cards Against Humanity tonight and I mentioned that I do have a difficult time asking for what I want. I have a difficult time telling people things about my life. She mentioned that maybe that’s the takeaway from all of this. And I agree. I need to grow in my discomfort.
Things have been shifting lately.
Lately, I’ve been going through an emotional detox. It started Saturday night after suffering most of the day from a pretty terrible headache. One I pretended wasn’t there by hiding how I was feeling. I didn’t tell anyone because I dislike putting people in that position.
(I had a friend remind me the next day that I can’t control a person’s reaction to what I say and I was like, “You right. Good reminder for next time.”)
I think that the reason I felt so sick Saturday was due to the level of emotion I was feeling. A lot of loving, positive, and emotional events happened between Thursday and Saturday last week. I was on an overload and my mind took a while to process it all. That night I fell asleep around eight and woke up around midnight happy and sad all at once. And I cried. Because I felt a connection within myself that I had never felt before.
Crying heals and can bring you the comfort you didn’t know you needed. It’s your body’s way of saying, “I got you.”
As difficult as life gets, your soul, body, and mind have always been there with and for you. Nourishing and loving those three parts of yourself will keep giving you the strength to be okay.
I haven’t always known I was okay, except for moments when my intuition was so strong that I’d be miserable if I didn’t listen. I’ve never regretted listening. Knowing that I was going to eventually move to California was my loudest gut instinct. I trusted that voice completely and stuck with it.
I know my intuition was accurate because everything’s been falling into place so easily. I’m not completely sure why I was called to be here yet. I have an idea, but it’s not clear.
I’m hoping that this weekend gives me more clarity because I’m at a crossroad.
I know that I’ll figure things out. Because while right now it isn’t smooth sailing, I know in my heart that I’m in the right place.