Inferiority Complex- Then and Now – Personal Growth Series 4

There have been times in my life when I’ve felt like I wasn’t good enough.  This thought process is often referred to as an Inferiority Complex.

An Inferiority Complex is  “An acute sense of personal inferiority often resulting either in timidity or through overcompensation in exaggerated aggressiveness”

For most of my life, I’ve felt this way.  The feelings of not belonging, and not fitting in will eat you up.  This world can be cruel to those who won’t cut themselves any slack.

In the past, I’ve questioned whether or not I’m allowed to be in certain groups or at certain events in various seasons of my life.  I’ve become a pro at the Irish goodbye as a result.  I’d shut down and come off as aloof and unapproachable.  Unfortunately for me, people see this as a sign of rejection and will, in turn, reject you more.  This became an unhealthy cycle that never seemed to end.

Self-sabotage was my middle name for a long ass time.

I’ve mentioned this in past blogs but I feel that it’s worth mentioning again.  People rarely do things that they don’t want to do.  If someone doesn’t want you around they won’t invite you, so don’t put so much thought into the invitation itself.  Just go with it.

It took me a long time to learn this because for a while I felt stuck in social settings.  I know now that this feeling had a lot to do with my alignment and the energy I was projecting.  For many years I thought that I was super positive and everyone else was being a stick in the mud.  Upon reflection, people were pretty negative, but I was too.  You attract what you project and I was not projecting the good vibes I claimed to possess.

What shifted for me was my mindset.

I still have feelings of inferiority.  Absolutely, I have days when I’m super down on myself and feel rejected.  I still pull back on occasion and I don’t always know how to work my way into conversations.  The difference now is that I’m aware that people aren’t making me feel a certain way.  I feel a certain way because of how I feel about myself at that moment in time.  I’ve taken control of my own feelings which in turn has made me more powerful internally.

The secret, I’ve discovered, is to reflect when you’re down and ask yourself why you’re having those feelings in the first place.

Something shifted in me the past few months.  I credit it to the friends I’m making who ooze positivity.  I’m in turn more positive, but I also feel healthier than ever and I love who I’m becoming.  The voice of confidence in my head shuts down self-doubt quicker then it has in the past.  As a result, I feel more secure in being social.

Not everyone is for me and I’m not for everyone. 

But I know now that a lot of people do like me.  I don’t say that in a narcissistic, “look at me” way.  Rather in more of a, “I want to spread joy and hey this person is opening up” type of way.  I like when people are happy.  I’ve discovered that when my energy is in alignment with my actions people respond differently to what I’m projecting.

Many thought leaders,  the most influential for me being  Brené Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert have been integral in my growth in discovering my own bad habits and turning them around.  I’ve listened to these two women for years, but it’s taken me awhile before I’ve been able to apply their words to my own life.  For anyone struggling and for people who aren’t yet in alignment with their goals, I would recommend researching these two.  It might just be the push you need in the right direction.

I still have loads of work to do before I’m where I want to be.  While I still have feelings of inferiority, the changes in me are allowing for the confidence to overshadow the insecurities.  I am human after all.  As a person, I need to let myself make mistakes but also remind myself not to dwell in them for too long.

We’re not perfect, and that’s okay.


Photo by Paul Carmona on Unsplash

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