Sometimes I feel like my arms are too long, and I just kinda let them hang. Nonverbal communication is something that I actively work on. Are my arms crossed when it’s not even cold out? Why are my arms crossed when it’s 90 degrees outside and I’m dying?
There’s poetry weaved between the lines of every nonverbal conversation. The way eyes linger, or hugs become quick and rushed. How we stand or sit when we’re talking to someone.
Actions have always held more meaning for me. I love conversation, but my favorite are the silent ones. The ones that are relayed through touch and look alone. If you pay close enough attention you can tell who’s on your team and who’s resistant to opening up.
I make an effort not to cross my arms.
I used to wish for the right words to say in conversations. Words that would make me witty and funny. But when you looked at me and said I was already there, I knew that I was who I’ve wanted to be this whole time. I was the only one who didn’t see. You’ve always seen in me the beauty that I’ve always wished to hold.
There’s beauty in the mundane. There’s beauty in the way your eyes scrunch up. Beauty in the way your eyes shine. Beauty in your every “Hello”, in your every “See you later”.
Looking in the mirror at my reflection now, all I see hope. Unadulterated hope that I’ve never seen before. I believe in me, in my future here. I believe in me the same way I believe that the stars shine every night, even on cloudy evenings. The same way I believe that there’s life after mistakes. Now’s the perfect time to drive. Because I was searching for this my whole life. This place that I’m in love with. I just never knew I’d find it here, in this space. Surrounded by these faces. But I know I’m right when I say I’m where I belong.
A few months back I was asked to create a place in my mind. When I had to bring someone into this imaginary space I thought of who I wanted there. I tried to envision different friends and family members. But try as I did, no one but you appeared. It didn’t make sense, we were barely friends at the time. But I couldn’t think up another person. It was symbolic in a sense. Because I think that deep down I trusted you. At some level, I’ve always known that I could.
At first, I wasn’t sure about where we stood. Friends or acquaintances? I was hesitant and doubtful of the relationship. But in September our conversations shifted. Our interactions weren’t awkward or forced anymore. I realize it was my own insecurity holding me back, but maybe it was yours too. Regardless, something changed in me. Because the other night I felt something else. I felt more. More part of this world.
I’m glad you’re in my life.
I’m grateful we’re becoming better friends.